My brain has felt fried lately. And the days it doesn't feel fried, all I want to do in my 'free' time is read (certainly not compose a blog post...or balance the budget.....or finish projects.....or fold clothes. never that.) Maybe the escape of a good ( or even mediocre) story allows me, for a small space of time, to shrug off the responsibility of running a household and discipling two kiddos. A friend phrased it well the other day. She said having two children is forcefully weaning her off of a need for much alone time.....and it does feel forceful.
My Ouma always said kids will show you exactly how selfish you are.
With one child I recognized the truth of this maxim.
But two children have shown me that I most emphatically own it.
|This is incredibly fuzzy and makes Abigail look extra chubby. But I still love both of their expressions|
I know that selfishness is something I'll be combating my whole life. But it's been a shock to my system to see how far I'll go to 'rest' a little. Like trying to manipulate the situation, even when I know he's had a long day, so John will put Abigail to bed without my having to do anything but give her a kiss.
And my kind husband often does so, without a complaint, even though I know he can see right through my ruse. Have I mentioned that selfishness also brings out my manipulating nature?
This little girl is good at it too. But when one is almost 2 and precocious, the rest of the world doesn't mind so much. (you should see her at bedtime: she is a master of procrastination and prevarication. Calvin has his work cut out for him keeping up with her.)
He can disarm her with his charming smile and infectious chuckle
(he laughs already! It's tiny, but it's adorable).
And then quickly make his escape before she's realized what's happened. Truthfully though, as much as I dislike seeing my own sin; I adore having both of these kids. They are and will continue to be a joy. And if I have to learn to be unselfish I couldn't ask for a sweeter way to have it happen.